Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
