he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
whose parrot is this?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
