Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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