I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i will never coherently bang her
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
