i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
