I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
