my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
