Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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