I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
