Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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