Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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