Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
