dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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