he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
