dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
