If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
