1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
