Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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