Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
