Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
