True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
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And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
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Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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