I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
