matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
