Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
