well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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