look no pants
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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