In America we eat man semen.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
