I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We are all done wearing pants today
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
