Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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