So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
