I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
