It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
