I think my fart just growled at me.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
