Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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