OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
