The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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