My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
