It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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