you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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