my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
