Whod you bang
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
