Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
