i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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