If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
