According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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