I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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