Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
