you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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