i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the day after is always just damage control
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I don't deserve a penis
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
