No, you can still breathe under the balls.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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