Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
