i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
