My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
