i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
