This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
