During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
