I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
