i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
