I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
