I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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