Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
