I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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