I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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