so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
