I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
