I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
