I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
