I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize