I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
