i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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