I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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