The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
