she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
