Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
