My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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