you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
