Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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