I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
