I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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