I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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