I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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